


Watch me put my war paint on (on for you)

by sleeplessnightsky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Betrayal, Brutality, Clexa, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Nation - Freeform, Injury, Injury Recovery, Mount Weather, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplessnightsky/pseuds/sleeplessnightsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What happened?” she asked him.</p><p>His answer made Lexa’s heart stop in her chest.</p><p>“Azgeda and the Mountain Men are allies. They fought side by side and forced the Sky People to retreat. But they got her. They got the Sky Commander.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story begins post 2x15, after Lexa's betrayal.
> 
> Primarily focused on Lexa, on her feelings, and how she copes with everything that is going to happen. The romance/relationship aspects are slow-burn.
> 
> This is my first fanfiction. I hope you like it.

She couldn’t breathe.

Lexa, the stoic, brave commander, was in her tent and couldn’t calm down.

It had been almost two hours since she had ordered her army to stand down. Two hours since she had left the Sky People to fight Mount Weather alone. Two hours since she had betrayed Clarke’s trust.

Clarke.

Lexa’s mind was racing, shooting her with questions and unwanted images.

Had she made it inside the Mountain?

Had she managed to free her people?

Was she still alive?

That was the question that haunted Lexa. The question that was making it impossible for her to breathe. She was desperately trying to make her mind shut up and go blank, so she wouldn't have to think about what could possibly be happening. What could have possibly _happened_.

She wasn't ready. No part of her was ready to deal with the possible reality of the horrible scenes that were playing in her head. Scenes she was already too familiar with. Because of herself being the Commander.

The Commander.

She was the Commander, yes. And she had to do anything in her power to save her people. She knew she had made the right decision. She had to protect them, because they would always have to come first, before anything and anyone else.

The Commander _knew_ she had made the right decision.

But Lexa didn’t.

Lexa was the one who couldn’t breathe. Lexa was the one whose heart had shattered to pieces once again. Because the girl who had taught her again that life should be about living and feeling and loving, and not only surviving, the only person she could be her true self with, was risking her life alone because of her. Because she had betrayed her. And one thing she was sure of: she would never see her again. Because even if she made it out of that Mountain, Clarke would never forgive her.

Lexa knew it.

She knew it the moment realization dawned on that beautiful face.

When pink, thin lips, capable of creating the most beautiful smiles, open slightly, releasing a barely audible gasp, and curved downward.

When sky blue eyes, always sparkling with bravery and excitement, darkened and filled with pain, betrayal, and tears. Tears Lexa knew she wouldn’t let fall, just like she wouldn’t herself. Because they were leaders, role models, and couldn’t afford to show any sign of weakness, even if it was tearing them apart. Even if all Lexa wanted to do was cradle Clarke’s precious face in her hands, touch her lips with hers in the ghost of a kiss, and promise that she would never leave her. That she _could_ never leave her.

But instead, all she could do was stare into those blue pools of sadness until she couldn’t take it anymore. Until she managed a soft “may we meet again”, before her voice broke.

And then she was leaving.

Leaving the alliance. Leaving the Sky People. Leaving Clarke.

So now she was there, pacing around in her tent, her heart jumping at every sound she heard coming from outside, waiting for any news from Ryder, the warrior she had sent back to Mount Weather to be updated on the battle’s developments.

Lexa’s mind was still racing when she heard movements and voices filling the silence of the camp. She suddenly stopped in her tracks, anxiety flooding her, and then she rushed out of her tent, following the noise. At the sight of their Commander the warriors quieted and parted to let her pass, bowing their heads and murmuring silent ‘ _heda_ ’s when she walked past them.

As soon as she laid her eyes on Ryder, his face lit by the many torches that were being held by the people, she knew something was wrong. He looked distraught. His face was pale, in deep contrast with the dark war paint circling his haunted eyes. His breathing was labored, as it is after a long run. Lexa’s strong façade started to quiver and she held her breath.

Straightening her back and trying to maintain her voice as steady as possible, she asked him “What happened?”

His answer made Lexa’s heart stop in her chest.

“The Azgeda and the Mountain Men became allies. They fought side by side. Many people died and the Sky People were forced to retreat. But they got her. They got the Sky Commander.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay so, I edited the second chapter and decided to add a short part to it, because I felt like it was missing something. Hope you don't mind. :)

Nausea invaded Lexa.

That was the worst scenario she could have thought of. The Mountain Men, who had been draining blood from thousands of her people for years, putting them in cages as if they were nothing but savage animals, and Nia, the Ice Queen, who had imprisoned one of the most important people in Lexa’s life, and brutally tortured and killed her only to have information on herself, were now fighting together.

Fighting _her_ together.

Lexa felt as if she was back in her worst nightmare.

But this time, she wasn’t sleeping.

Dark memories and hidden emotions flooded her mind and her heart. The raw misery when she found out Costia had been taken away from her. The brave resolution when she was planning how to save her. The unbearable pain, stained with the bitter taste of guilt, when she realized it was too late.

And then, nothing.

Love was weakness, she had repeated to herself, and she couldn’t afford to be weak. She had numbed her feelings. Pretended she didn’t care about anything. About anyone. And it worked. There were moments in which she had felt like she was about to crumble and shatter into a million pieces, but she had always managed to make it work, because she had to.

Until a girl, with the sun in her hair, ocean blue eyes, and the soul of a warrior, literally fell from the sky. And now Lexa was back there, back to the start.

Lexa couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She kept standing there, petrified, staring into her warrior’s eyes, fear clutching at her heart. Fear of ghosts from the past coming back. Fear of being too late yet again. Fear of another love being ripped away from her. _Because_ of her. Because she was the goddamn Commander.

“ _Heda?_ ” Indra's slightly concerned voice brought her back to reality, and away from her fearful thoughts.

She looked at her. Her cold, brown eyes melting a little at the sight of her loved Commander, so strong, yet so vulnerable. Lexa then looked around, at the loyal faces of the people that would always do everything for her, that would sacrifice themselves for her. She took a deep breath to regain some of her composure, and then she was turning around, heading silently to her tent, her strict posture showing more confidence than what she was actually feeling at the moment. She signaled Indra and Ryder to follow her.

" _Heda_ , i know that-" Indra started when they were inside, but was soon cut off by the stern look the Commander threw in her direction.

" _Shof_ _op_ , Indra." She slowly made her way to her throne. After sitting down, she continued. "I know what you're thinking. And I'm perfectly aware of what has just happened. I know we made a deal with the Mountain Men mere hours ago. I know I - we - betrayed the Sky People. But right now I don't care. And you will listen."

"Yes, _Heda_." Indra agreed apologetically.

" _Heda?_ " Tried Ryder. Lexa looked over at him and nodded, giving him permission to speak.

"While I was waiting outside the Mountain, I had time to venture in the woods, and I discovered a passage, a tunnel. There is a small cave on the west side of the mountain-"

"We've already been there, Ryder." Lexa cut him off, quickly losing her temper.

"Yes," Ryder tried again, his voice more determined, "but we never ventured further into the cave!"

That seemed to catch the Commander and Indra's attention, who were now listening intently, their eyes fixed on him. That was all he needed to go on now.

"I entered the cave, using my torch to see where i was going. I had walked for barely a minute when I realized that the passage was narrowing even more and i soon reached the end of it. I was gonna turn around and go back to my original location, because it really looked like a regular cave at first sight, but then i noticed that on the left side of the cave, right _inside_ the rockface, therewas a small brick. It fits perfectly, so it's barely noticeable. I pulled it out, and suddenly the wall in front of me was like sliding away, giving me access to a small squared room, completely covered in cement. There was no light and it was incredibly cold, and in the center of the room there is a spiral staircase. The place is connected to the interior of Mount Weather through a narrow trap door right above the stairs."

Lexa was thoughtful. "How is it possible that no one has ever noticed that?" She asked, absentmindedly fiddling with her dagger.

Ryder pondered the question for a moment before replying, as if trying to find the right answer. "Probably because you would see it only if you knew where to look."

In other circumstances that kind of answer would have caught the Commander's attention and she would have undoubtedly questioned it, but right now she was too captivated by the news to pay attention to that minor detail.

"Did you see any guards covering the area? Reapers?" She asked.

"As I said," Ryder answered. "many people must come across that cave, but it goes unnoticed because from the outside it looks like a regular cave."

Lexa had heard what she wanted to hear. She turned to Indra, who had been silently following the conversation, and with a firm voice she ordered, "Gather an army. We're leaving tomorrow for Camp Jaha, and then we are heading back to Mount Weather."

"Yes, _Heda_." Replied Indra obediently.

And with that, both warriors left, leaving Lexa alone and anxious in her tent for the second time that night.

*************************************************************

It was late night and Lexa was alone, like she had been most of the time that past day. She was walking silently in a small track in the woods with only the moon's light to guide her. She needed time to think about everything that was happening. She needed calm. And the forest always managed to give her those things.

It was dark, except for those rare silver rays of moonlight that sneakily avoided the branches of the trees and delicately grazed the ground, the leaves, the trees themselves, enclosing everything in a fairy-like embrace.

Not far away from her the forest thickened, not letting any light slide through it, and the trees looked like a dark, dangerous cobweb, full of perils and obstacles. Most people would have probably been afraid of wandering in there alone, especially knowing what kind of creatures could hide in the shadows.

But not Lexa.

She had always found the peace that the forest offered to be calming, soothing. Since she was only a little child.

Lexa sat quietly on the wet grass, leaning against a tree trunk, and closed her eyes, enjoying the cold night breeze. She let her senses wander. She breathed in the cool air, letting it wash over her, calming her. She could smell the moist of the soil and the fresh scent of the pines. Her hands grazed gently and absentmindedly the ground beside her, the cold droplets of dew raising goosebumps on her arms. She heard the distinct call of an owl far away, and the light chirping of the crickets all around, muffled by the gentle rustle of the leaves.

It was a peaceful night. A silent night.

Too silent.

In that moment, a loud shriek cut through the air and echoed through the woods.

Lexa jumped on her feet, her hand shooting to the dagger in her holster and her head turning to understand where the scream had come from, when-

"HELP!"

Color drained from her face as soon as Lexa realized who the shout belonged to. Clarke. She started running towards the voice, jumping holes and tripping over the roots of the trees. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, her throat felt tight, making her feel like she was choking, even if puffs of air kept rushing out her mouth, clouding her vision. The cries started to grow louder and her pace quickened. She had to get there. She had to arrive in time. Her mind was suddenly flooded with images, vividly horrible, painful images, of what she could possibly come across once she got there. She shooked those thoughts out of her head, and focused on the voice, _her_ voice.

The trees rolled quickly by her, her breathless run turning leaves, rocks and bushes into a jumble of shadows, while the shouts grew louder and louder, so loud that Lexa was sure she was mere meters away.

And then she stopped running.

She was standing in the middle of the track, small drops of sweat sliding down the back of her neck, her breathing ragged from the race. And she was petrified.

In front of her, only a few feet away, standing against a tree partly illuminated by the moonlight, there was Clarke, and another person right in front of her. The only thing was, she wasn't standing against it. Her hands were tied to the trunk of the tree, and her feet were barely supporting her weight. Her head laid limply on her left shoulder, her skin was pale, made even paler by the silver light of the moon. Her eyes were closed, her hair a mass of blonde, frizzy strands, her breathing labored. She looked so small. So vulnerable.

And then the other woman moved slightly, letting the faint light graze Clarke's form. And Lexa felt her knees give out.

Clarke was almost naked, except for the white bindings covering her breasts, and a pair of thin boyshorts, of the same shade. Her elegant body was slumped on one side, almost hanging from the tree trunk, and was covered in cuts. Deep, bleeding cuts. The dense liquid was sliding down her arms, her stomach, her legs, staining her underwear with crimson patches. Only then did Lexa's shocked gaze focus on the person in front of the girl. It was a woman, her wild dirty blonde hair, adorned with small braids, was swaying with the night breeze. She was wearing a black gear with inlays made of metal rings, black skinny pants and knee high boots. The dagger holster that ran around her left thigh was empty. And it wasn't difficult for Lexa to locate the bloodstained weapon.

Lexa felt like she was about to faint. Her heart was pounding in her ears, her head was turning. She tried to breathe deeply, but the air in her lungs was threatening to choke her, as if an invisible hand kept tightening more and more around her neck.

Clenching her dagger in her hand, she took a step forward, her feet moving on their own. But as soon as she moved, Clarke raised her head, as if sensing her presence, and opened her eyes. Sky blue instantly met forest green, fear and pain replaced by hope, and she held onto that hope for dear life. That spark ignited a fire inside of Lexa and she knew this time she wouldn't be too late. This time she would make it.

But then, the weak ghost of a smile drew on Clarke's face as she softly whispered, "Lexa", and at that, the other woman turned around.

As soon as Lexa realized who she was, her blood ran cold. It was Nia, the _Azgeda_ queen. A dangerous, vicious grin plastered on her face, and Lexa witnessed, powerless, as the woman's right arm came up to Clarke's chest, dagger held securely in her hand. Evil smile still in place and eyes planted on Lexa, _daring_ her to do something, Nia pressed the blade down into Clarke's skin. The Commander watched as Clarke threw her head back, eyes closed in pain, and screamed for help. Again and again.

And when Nia locked eyes with Lexa and darkly whispered, "You're too late once again. You will _always_ be too late." she sprinted towards them, her feet moving on their own will.

Clarke kept crying for help, Nia kept looking at her, and Lexa kept running and running and running.

But she wasn't moving.

No matter how hard she tried, how fast her legs went, she was always on the same spot. Tears streaked her cheeks as her ears filled with Clarke's desperate screams and evil laughters coming from the Ice Queen's lips, the two sounds combining together until they were nothing but a dark, dreadful melody storming around Lexa, pulling her in, clenching around her neck, cursing through her veins, pumping in her head, growing louder and stronger and deeper.

She felt her knees give out, and a moment later, she was falling.

And falling.

And falling.

The screams for help still clear in her head.

And then Lexa jerked awake.

She sat up straight on her bed, her heart beating wildly in her chest, her breathing laboured, and tears streaming down her face. Her clothes, the same she was wearing while talking to Indra and Ryder some hours earlier, were soaked with sweat, and images of her nightmare, so vivid and scary, flooded her mind. She laid her forehead against the wall beside her, closing her eyes and trying to regain control over herself. When had she become so weak? How could she have let it happen? Even a simple dream was able to make her lose mind.

A dream.

That's what it had been.

But it had felt so real. Clarke. That laughter. Those screams. Her head and ears burned with the memory, the desperation in those cries still so loud, so clear. That sensation, that weight that she felt in her chest, which she knew it to be guilt, only helped to make those moments more realistic. She pressed a hand against her temple, trying to erase those images from her mind, and silently started chanting three simple words to herself.

" _It wasn't real._ "

It wasn't real. She was going to look for Clarke. She was going to find her. And she was going to take her home, because this time she wouldn't be too late.

She could do it.

She kept repeating those words to herself again and again, willing herself to calm down. She had managed to get rid of those terrifying images, but why wouldn't the shouting subside? Why were those cries still so loud?

It was only a matter of seconds though before Lexa finally focused on the screams and understood why those sounds felt that strong, that intense, piercing her ears and roaring through her head.

They weren't in her head.

She opened her eyes and hurriedly got out of bed, wiping away the remaining tears on her cheeks with her hands. She crossed the lenght of her tent in four long strides, not at all bothered by the lack of light, and opened the flaps.

When she stepped out, she was in hell.

The dark night was now tinted with orange and red shades that mirrowed the smoldering, roaring, flickering flames leaping through the tents and around the little wooden stable. Ash was floating to the ground like big, dirty flakes of snow, showering onto everything, sprinkling onto the ground. The smoke created by the fire made it difficult to breathe and to see, but narrowing her eyes, Lexa could make out the forms of her people running around the camp. Some of them were screaming for help, begging anyone to rescue their crying children or loved ones, others were rushing to find a bucket of water to douse the flames.

Wherever she looked, there was mess.

As soon as Lexa spotted Indra through the crowd, she started barking ordersto her and the other warriors, getting them to assist the ones who needed support. After that, she called Ryder, who had been the one in charge of guarding the village, and Algor, and told them to go and search the woods near the camp, to see if anyone was trying to run off. Then she gathered one of the buckets that were now scattered on the ground and quickly made her way to the nearest well to help extinguish the fire. Every time someone realized who was helping them, they would stop in their tracks, bow their heads in respect, and whisper the words, " _Mochof, Heda._ ", to which Lexa always replied with a delicate smile, bowing slightly her own head.

Ignoring the exhaustion, caused by the lack of sleep and the eventful night, threatening to wash over her and get the best of her, she kept racing through the camp with baskets full of water.

After some time, the only fire left was a bunch of small glowing embers that twirled in a firery dance, littering the camp like twinkling stars in the cold night sky. The initial frenzy had dissipated and everyone was finally starting to calm down.

But not Lexa.

Her mind was still racing, trying to give an answer to the swarm of questions buzzing in her head.

What had just happened? Had someone broken into the camp setting fire to everything they found on their path? Who could have done that? Why now? What was their intent? Kill them? Scare them? Threaten them? Was the attack somehow linked to Clarke's abduction? Why hadn't Algor and Ryder found anyone in the woods circling the camp?

The voice of a child calling for her mother caught Lexa's attention and brought her away from her thoughts. The little girl was pointing at somenthing on the wooden side of the little empty stable, from which the freightened horses had been taken out and rescued during the fire.

" _Chit ste bilaik?_ " The girl asked her mother.

When the woman caught up to her daughter and looked at what she was pointing though, she covered her mouth in shock, took the baby in her arms and immediately called, " _HEDA!_ ". Lexa didn't even need to hear her title because she was already jogging towards them, swiftly grabbing the torch one of her people was handing her in her run.

She quickly reached the spot, not far from the stable, where the two were standing and raised the torch. As soon as she laid her eyes on the wooden, illuminated surface, she knew the answer to many of her questions.

On the side of the building, clearly visible from a certain distance, dense crimson liquid was sliding down the wooden blocks, invading the fresh night air with the raw, acrid smell of blood, and forming eight words. Eight simple words that made Lexa's heart stop in her chest.

_HURRY, OR THE SUN WON'T RISE FOR HER._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Chit ste bilaik: What is that


	3. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello everyone.

I know this is not what you were expecting, but I figured I owed you an explanation.

I promise you, I am not abandoning this fanfiction (also given the fact that it's basically just started), but I have to admit that life has been getting in the way quite a lot lately, and I've been really busy, both with school assignements and with family matters.

I will get back to writing as soon as everything calms down, you have my word. I hope that moment is not too far away, and that I'm not letting anyone down.

I also made a twitter account (@SleeplessNS), in case anyone wanted to ask something or express their feelings or anything.

I'll be back soon.

Thank you.

Best regards, SNS.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!!  
> First of all, I really want to apologize for this very long break. It's been a really /full/ year, an actual roller coaster of events and emotions, both good and bad ones, and I really couldn't find the time or the strength to write. Furthermore, Lexa died, and when it happened I really thought I would never finish this fanfiction, because somehow writing about a canon-verse that now could never happen felt wrong to me. But now, after a long, long time, I am here, and even if it might take a while, I want to finish this fanfiction. I'm not sure when the next update will be on. I guess you'll just have to be as patient as you've been this past year, haha.  
> A special thank you to everyone who kept reading this work and gave me feedback, I appreciate every single one of you dearly.  
> So, after almost a year, here's chapter 3. I hope I don't disappoint you. :)  
> \- SNS xo

Lexa stared blankly at the bloodied words, willing herself not to think. Willing her mind to shut up for once, pushing away all the images that were threatening to flow in her head, and that would make it impossible for her to reflect and ponder every step. Because she couldn't let herself imagine what could possibly happen. What was _about_ to happen. What had already happened only some years before.

Clarke. Costia. Clarke. Costia. Her nightmare.

Too late. Images flooded her mind.

Costia's head delivered to her own bed. Costia's body lying lifelessly in front of her. Costia's body burning. Flames rising towards the sky, taking her where she belonged. In nature. Among the trees, on the cool soil, in the shallow waters of the rivers, above the clouds and into the headwinds. Oh, Costia. Her lovely smile. Her sweet heart and courageous spirit. She was a force of nature, and Lexa's heart beat for her. Since _that_ day, she had seen her everywhere. She was in the leaves swiftly falling to the ground. She was in the cool, morning breeze. She was in the tiny droplets that silently slid down the tree trunks after a storm. Wherever Lexa looked, Costia was always there.

As much as she didn't want to think about anything, her mind was now showing her a never-ending number of images.

Costia running in the woods with small leaves stuck in her hair. Costia swimming in a river, her wild mane emerging from the surface of the water long before she did. Costia, always so excited and careless, climbing on a tree, tripping on a branch and falling down, taking Lexa with her...

Costia, Costia, Costia.

And then, just like that, the image changed.

Dark curls turned into blonde waves. Warm, brown eyes became as blue as the morning sky, when the sun is high above the trees.

Flashes of Clarke bravely fighting Pauna were now peppering her brain. Clarke protecting her and making sure she was safe, even if she had known her only for a few days. Clarke sleeping by the fire in the middle of the forest. Clarke, whose heart showed no sign of weakness, always trying to save everyone.

Clarke, Clarke, Clarke.

Costia and Clarke were so similar. Both incredibly brave, adventurous, wild, generous, loyal. Always willing to sacrifice themselves for the people they loved. That was why she had fallen in love with them. It wasn't their fault that it happened. It wasn't _her_ fault that it happened. The danger she had put them in when it happened though, _that_ was her fault, and only hers.

 _Enough_. 

She snapped back to reality, anger fueling inside of her. Anger at her stupid mind for haunting her constantly. Anger at her goddamn title for causing so much pain to everyone. Anger at those two beautiful young girls, who had let themselves be weak for her, _care_ for her, even if she was a monster. Anger at herself. God. How she hated herself.

With raging eyes, she turned around and looked at Indra, who had just run beside her, and with a voice she didn't even recognize, she spoke in Trigedasleng. "Gather an army now. You will lead them to Camp Jaha. Explain to the Skaikru what's happening, and convince them to join forces with us. Alone, none of us can win. I know that, and they know that too. They will understand. Once they do, you will lead them to Mount Weather. I will be there already, as I am heading there now on my own."

Indra didn't look convinced at all. "If you go alone, it will be your death, _Heda_."

"Then, if the moment comes, my spirit will wisely choose the next Commander. But there's a chance you will save it the effort, if you get to the _Skaikru_ fast. Do as I say, Indra."

Indra only kept looking at her. Going on her own was a suicide mission, what was _Heda_ doing?

And then, something in the Commander's eyes changed. Anger and resolution were replaced by something she couldn't quite name. It looked almost like... fear. She had seen that look only one more time since Lexa had become Commander. It couldn't be...

She witnessed as Lexa blinked once, trying to push away the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes, and suddenly in front of her there wasn't _Heda_. There wasn't _Lexa Kom Trikru_ , Commander of the 12 clans. No. Right there, looking back at her, there was a girl. An insecure, afraid girl who blamed herself for everything that was happening, and for everything that had ever happened. A young girl whose childhood and innocence had been stolen too soon. A young girl who had been forced to carry the weight of the world on her small shoulders. A girl who, despite her young age, owned the oldest and wisest of souls. A soul full of knowledge, experience and hidden emotions. And right now, that girl was looking at her like she was the only one who could answer the most difficult question ever asked. After a moment, Indra caught a word coming from Lexa's lips, uttered in the smallest voice, only a little more than a whisper. " _Beja_."

_Oh, Heda._

Wild, haunted pools of green kept staring at Indra, letting her _see_ her. And she felt sadness, and respect, and affection for this young, brave girl, who had no idea how special, how pure, and how  _good_ she was in that cruel world. And suddenly, Indra knew what the Commander was doing. - What _Lexa_ was doing.

Lexa knew it was dangerous. She knew there was a chance she wouldn't make it out alive. But she also knew that there was nothing she wouldn't do for her people. She would kill for them. She would die for them.

And now, Indra understood, the sky girl _was_ her people.

"I will, _Heda_." she whispered with a hint of somberness.

" _Mochof_." she heard in the smallest voice.

She watched as Lexa blinked, and suddenly the stoic mask was back in its place, on the girl's face, hiding her eyes.

The Commander turned around and stepped forward, ready to hurry to her horse, but was soon stopped by a hand wrapping strongly around her right wrist. Her green eyes met Indra's dark ones, staring deeply at her, shining in the dark. She could see glowing embers reflected in them, only a quiet memory of the flames that had just been tamed.

" _Ste yuj._ " Indra said resolutely.

Those words made Lexa's reply catch in her throat. They were the exact same words Gustus had told her while tied to a tree, bleeding, moments before she had to push her sword into his heart. Into _both_ their hearts.

Gustus. Another person who had died because of her. Another person whose blood was on her hands, and on them only.

Lexa abandoned every attempt at a reply, knowing that her voice would betray her, and just looked at Indra for an instant, letting her hand wrap around the other woman's wrist, in a gesture of mutual loyalty and respect. Giving and receiving strength.

Everything around them was silent, every person contemplated the scene playing in front of them, knowing all too well what was about to happen. They let each other go and Lexa nodded solemnly at Indra, before turning around and walking, straight and proud, towards the tree the horses had been momentarily tied to. Her steps resonated through the night air, that was now thick with tension and fear.

She climbed swiftly of her horse, and looked one more time at her devoted people, just for a moment, aware of the fact that _that_ might be the last time she'd see them.

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused momentarily on her surroundings. The fresh night breeze caressing lightly her skin caused the leaves to rustle gently, creating a delicate melody that combined perfectly with the calls of wild animals resonating clearly through the forest from far away. The calming rise and fall of her horse's even breathing rocked her tenderly up and down. Everthing seemed just so... normal. Like yesterday, or the day before, or a week before, or a year before. As if a war wasn't about to break out. As if Death wasn't about to escape from its cage and put an end to so many innocent lives, lives that belonged to her beloved people, stealing their hopes, their ideals and their dreams.

Somehow though a tiny part of her still hoped that this wasn't real. That this wasn't happening. That once she re-opened her eyes, she'd realize it had been just another one of her nightmares. That Clarke hated her, but was safe and sound with the other Sky People.

But when she slowly lifted up her eyelashes, nothing was different. She was still on her horse, wearing the same bloodied clothes she was wearing only some hours before at Mount Weather. Her people were still there, staring at her, some in fear, some in disappointment, but always showing respect and devotion. The twirling embers were still there, getting weaker and weaker each passing moment. Indra was still there too, trying to hide the emotions that her eyes were fighting to express.

Lexa had to go now.

She squeezed slightly the sides of her white horse, pulling the reins a little, willing it to move. And just like that, she was disappearing into the dark forest, leaving everyone to wonder when, and _if,_  they would see their _Heda_ again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "Ste yuj.": "Be strong."


End file.
